Normal Childhood

Oddly, we adults often make reference to how awful it is when a child does not have a “normal” childhood. . .  And, what is a normal childhood today? Being generic, ordinary - even lowest common denominator? Receiving awards for participation because trying too hard means you might hurt someone else's feelings when you do achieve better grades?

According to UNICEF and other world body reports, today’s children, despite the wealth and ease of western life, are the unhappiest of any past generations. Despite being coddled and even assailed by obsessive over-protection, children feel uncared  for. Increasingly, they show signs of bottled-up anger and depression. Taught to feel entitled, they are more demanding; angrier than children from previous eras. Unlike children of the past, they have no idea how to deal with the unexpected or how to fend for themselves. Unable to formulate solutions to problems they are becoming increasingly dependent and submissive.  Often lethargic, they prefer being tethered to their digital accessories than being active, involved or “connected” to others? And due to an inability or even an urge to be physically and emotionally active, obesity and its concomitant consequences continue to be an urgent problem along with a distorted body-awareness leading to self-hatred.

If anything, we should be wishing that our children not be like everybody else. We should be offering them the opportunity to be active, curious, daring, free and to eagerly embrace  discovery and the mysteries of the unknown. We should be wishing that our children be awed by the marvels the world has to offer - i.e.: to be awed by more than the word “awesome”.

We should be wishing that our children not be clones as dictated by marketing and to not be fearful as dictated by adult feelings of overwhelming impotence. We should be wishing that our children and grand-children be incredibly and wondrously themselves - to be strong and resilient and even belligerently rebellious. If not. . . Their children will be even more despondent than they are becoming.

I haven't bugged you in a long time. . . So. . .

I don't blog often but when I do. . . I blog long. . . . . . .

So with no further ado. . .

I sometimes get the feeling that I am a negative reporter of what is. I apologize if I come across that way. But then, our societies and our world are not only places of abode but  environments which tone the colours of our lives. And that needs to be looked into - and dealt with. We can’t go around with our heads in the sand. We need to know and to feel deep down in our gut whether ourenvironment is conducive to positive or negative mental and physical health. For our children and grand-children's future well being, that is a must.

This is not to say that I don’t question what I have written in Beyond Discouragement-Creativity. I repeatedly do. Was I right? Was I self-righteous? Am I wrong to think the way I do? Are children really suffering from an environment which is not encouraging of individual thought and unique creative impulses? I am not a guru. I don’t have all the answers or even a few. I can only hope my words encourage dialogue.

And so. . . here are a few contemporary issues (as reported in newspapers of the day) which highlight my books commentary.

    The Ottawa Citizen via an article entitled : Rise In Drugs Used For Mentally Ill Youth (Nov 09,11) reports an increase of 114% in the use of antipsychotics, once reserved for schizophrenics and mania in adults. How can this be written about and nothing other than this done? Nothing. . .  But then. . .  They’re only kids. They don't fight back. . . And we need our peace don’t we. . . And specialists need their syndromes and quasi impossible to diagnose diseases. And pharmaceuticals need their profits  - especially where kids are concerned.

And what about the kids?


In the Globe and Mail recently, an article extolled the virtues of good teacher-student rapport - right from Grade 1. . . . . Good Teacher Rapport Curbs Aggression. (26-10-11) The article states that bullying is mostly non existent when teachers and students get along. . . . . .

Sometimes I think saying things like the grass is green and the sky is blue and red roses are red can sound really dumb. . . especially to those of us who still believe in common sense. Naturally, children get along better with each other if they feel wanted and cared for and paid attention to in class! Many of our grandmothers who had tremendous wisdom but no education whatsoever knew that without ever being told.

And after school?

Kids Drinking As Young As 12, UK Study Finds. (National Post31-10-11) Nothing new to those of us who recently walked to the grocers a quarter mile away. . . in an idyllic Irish village - encountering groups (not gangs) of kids already tipsy and giggly - bottle in hand. And this, not a half hour after school had let out. . . No one but we “away people” (we strangers)  seemed to be bothered by it. Cheers. . .

Suicide rears its ugly head

Parents Seek Answers On Suicide. (Nov 2011)  An article in the Ottawa Citizen mirrors universally expressed feelings as, once again, a teenager chooses death over life. How sad it is that, as always, we adults return to one dominant thought in such situations. That adolescence is the problem stage rather than the environment in which these and all teens find themselves. And that the adolescent is the one in need of change or adaptation. 

For all intents and purposes, and for anyone who might have their doubts. . . adolescence is a normal stage in the life of a human being, But that’s not how our free, fun, easy and lazy democracies see it. Adolescence, to us, is annoying. It disturbs our me lifestyles and that is irritating. . . Teens are the problem not US. . . They act up because they act up. And as long as that is so in our minds, nothing will change and teens will continue to live their lives and give up their lives because no one cares enough to invite and mentor them into the adult big house. 
Teens are no longer children. They are naturally wannabe adults. That is angrily, upsettingly  and frighteningly the next stage in the evolution. But adults near and far don't see it that way. And as long as we perceive an adolescent to be not one of us, not worthy to be encouraged, not apprentices in adulthood, they will fall away from us - and far too often away from themselves.

Time for us to grow up.

Define prevention. . .

US Advisers Recommend HPV Shots For Boys. Gardasil’s sales hit $1.1 billion worldwide in 2009, So an Ottawa Citizen article reports (26-10-11). . . I guess if giving shots to girls has had this effect on “the economy”, adding boys to the HPV bandwagon just might boost sales to a record high.  (Sarcasm aside) I find it rather odd that we are willing to give our children HPV prevention shots (which are all about sex many of them wouldn't even have begun thinking about) but we cringe at teaching them sex-ed which would render them knowledgeable, more mature minded and safer. We are a bizarre lot.

The Globe and Mail (05-11-11) reminded me once again that article titles are what sell papers - not content. The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Lesbian Families is sensational in its announcement though rather universal in much of its content. As far as habits go, none of them cited can legitimately be appropriated by any couples or group be they gay or straight. They’re simply common sense.

I can’t help but wonder if lesbian and gay parents would have been upset had the article been written under the title : The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Straight Families. 

As for the information presented which relates directly to parents and children of lesbian mother households, the article is truly informative, highlighting the fact that many of us could be more sensitive to both parents and children in this family construct as well as any other type (other than straight) of family arrangement. Hell, we're all in this together.

In essence, what I am saying is that gay parenting is straight parenting is parenting. The less we separate one parenting position from another, the more we respect parenting for what it is - the mentoring job of any and all adults in our “villages” to do the right thing by our children. Parenting is NOT ABOUT US!!!!! It’s about teaching and mentoring and encouraging and guiding children. It's about being responsible adults - whether gay or straight.

So back to too many highs. . .

Antipsychotic Drugs For Children May Be Overused (National Post).  (Reallllly?)

At the same time that I comment on advisors in the US wanting to add HPV to a boy’s life. And in another article that there is a 114% increase in the use of antipsychotics with children. . . I also read on November 9, 2011 that overuse of drugs with children is becoming a complication issue. . . .  Now, why am I not surprised? 

Further questions should be : Why are so many drugs being used on so many children? How did our children get to be sicker than any other generation of children before them - since the beginning of time??? How did we get this far without taking into account the possibly that we could be (and are) over-dosing our youngsters - rendering the success of their futures questionable if not impossible?

At the same time as we are purportedly over-drugging brattychildren in North America, Canada now wants to add jail time and punishment of a harsher nature to children and youth (at a time when crime has been down so far in the past 20 years we can actually consider our world civilized (somewhat. . . ) Read: More Jail Time For Youth Harmful Experts Say. Bravo to those experts who actually know about youth and crime and are knowledgeable about child and youth mental health. Maybe they will have some informed say in toning down the self-righteous punishment rhetoric overtaking our societies. (Ottawa Citizen 26-10-11)

Last but not least, 2 articles caught my eye on this 21st day of November. They both remind me that 2 things very easily accepted today : mediocrity rather than talent and lowest common denominator effort as excellence. And some wonder why I rant about the lack of opportunity for encouraging individual thought and unique creative expression.

In regards to the entertainment industry, (more specifically the American Music Awards) reporters state internationally that the music industry celebrates success rather than talent. They imply that sales rather than creativity or excellence is being encouraged, awarded and rewarded. This is rather ironic since the media itself elevates the off-stage antics and addictions of stars and starlets to a level of side-show freakism that is rather yellow journalistic. But what about us? Are we not as titillated by the countless televison hours, newspaper and magazine column content which report all the nasty tidbits? Is being talented in the areas of acting, singing or musicianship even worth the trouble anymore?

The second article which struck me comes from today's first page of the National Post (21-11-11). It actually highlighted a point made in Beyond Discouragement-Creativity; offering up the following title: Statistics Can Prove Almost Anything, Study Finds. In other words, anything can be true (even outright lies) if you manipulate its elements, say it loud enough, long enough and anoint yourself with a title of specialist. Though the study professors specifically targeted psychological research, their findings are true when applied elsewhere - and possibly more dangerously so.

Selling patently false ideas is a much bigger business today than snake oil selling was in past centuries. It is so because we take too many things for granted. Today, anything can be true if it is sold as fact through the media, pseudo-research and specialist commentary. In the past, you’d take a gun to the ornery crook who cheated you out of your hard-earned gold nugget . Today, we have a lot more gold nuggets so we just say “what the hey”, sip on our latte and the crooks keep selling their snake oil.

The journal Psychological Science (of the Association of Psychological Science) confirms the above. It describes how easy it is to render outright lies to be truth. It’s all in the way of laying out and processing information in order to achieve a specifically sought after outcome. Eliminating that which does not fit a desired conclusion also plays a part in denying a truth or establishing falsehood as fact. The gullibility of an ever wanting (rather than in need) public also engages in the possibility of such research being undertaken without consideration for the resulting effects of false findings. Such research practice also allows a lowest common denominator consideration of what is valid or not as a studied finding. Over the years, may or may not, might or might not, possibly or possibly not, could or could not, should or should not have become acceptable scientific terms - at least in the media coverage of achievements. As stated in this article, science related to social (and I would venture) commercial psychology is more often prone to such manipulations of fact. Such descriptions of findings, though iffy in definition find themselves becoming acceptable as scientific terminology in the minds of a population.  Yet, these words describe a less than stellar  examination of elements which in a not so distant past would never have been recognized as professional or ethical. In other words we must come to realise that there has to be something more reassuring from our scientific milieu than : may achieve the intended results. 

We only have to read the lengthy and often times dangerous side-effects of drugs that we too commonly imbibe to know that all is not well in the contemporary world of commercial science. The authors of a study regarding manipulation (if not falsification) of findings (Joseph P Simmons, Leif D. Nelson and Uri Simonsohn) politely describe this conscienceless manipulation of factual research as researcher degrees of freedom. In other words : Anything goes if you can sell your idea to be true - and no one bothers to stop you in your tracks.

I’d rather teach our children ethics and to think and analyse before they too are duped into believing everything they hear or read.

OOOOOps! 

I feel giddy. I feel giddy and witty and wild!!! (OK. I know the lyrics are wrong. BUT I have again been exonerated.) I am not the only person to be yelled at for saying our kids are dangerously fat.

In the Ottawa Citizen of today: (24-11-11) an article by Teresa Smith indicates that our lifestyles are not only becoming dangerous they are causing other ills. Eating habits MUST change if these weight related issues are to be resolved. The title of this article is: Quarter of Canadian Children Overweight, New Report Finds., This report does not say maybe, might be or could be. It indicates that for sure, definitely and dangerously 25% of OUR children are overweight.

So does that make me happy??? NO! What makes me happy (on a strictly selfish level) is that I no longer feel like I am in a wilderness of bad vibesfor saying this same thing for several years now. In other words, it's nice to know somebody else can sit by my side to be berated. Thank you journalist Teresa Smith.

And so, we come to the end of another of my reviews. . .

Let’s get on with encouraging others (especially our kids) to think and create for themselves. This world is ours to tame and be responsible for. And that won’t happen without action and without considering ourselves and our kids intelligent enough to know that what we see and hear, these days, is not what we often actually get.

I have always thought of myself as an optimist but being so does get difficult at times. Possibly, I am more of a reactive optimist than a proactive one. Haley Joel Osment saw dead people. I, on the other hand, see dead (read uncreative) souls increasingly populating our earth.

In essence, the world has not altered its rather obsessive cum neuritic cum psychotic stance. . .  It fears everything it should be anxious about and is anxious about everything it should fear. .  I so agree with Dr James Hillman in ascribing the following title to his 1993 book: We’ve Had 100 years Of Psychotherapy And The World’s Getting Worse. (I know. . .  I said that in my last posting. . . )

I hope you all get to read online the article on teen suicide written by Melissa Carole in the Globe and Mail on October 07 2011. Though “only” a PhD student, she says more in this article than most graduates and pros have articulated in the past decade.

On educational and parenting fronts, the media is kicking up a storm re: math and bullying. In an article entitled Go Figure, Because Teachers Can’t (Margaret Wente) The Globe and Mail - 29-09-11 writes that students are struggling not so much because they are at fault (a responsibility issue again?) but because teachers are being tested and THEY can’t do the math they are purportedly teaching................... I agree with Wente when she implies that schools are getting so involved in non-academic topics they are forgetting what their real job is.

When Your Teen Is The Bully (Anthony Wolf) Globe and Mail - 07-10-11 describes the horror of discovering that our children are not the angels we pray and hope they are. . . Too bad he doesn’t go further in prescribing a solution to this horrid discovery - along with a deeper look into our own parenting and social  psyche re this problem. It is rather facile as an article on such an important topic but at least it is being raised. Bullying remains to this day one of the key problems our kids face both in school and out. And, once again, the environment is never taken to task in this regard.

Last, but horribly NOT least. The American Pediatric Society in its quest to “make annoying things go away” (such as loud and obnoxious children) has decreed that 12  is really not a good age to ascribe ADHD titles to a child. 4 year olds should now be considered when thinking of prescribing psychostimulants to clam up the little bugge. . . .  Uhm. . .  kiddies...........

Kids Can Have ADD Drugs At Age 4, Mds Told -  (Sharon Kirkey) National Post - 17-10-11
Who tells ther MDs that this is an OK train of thought - coming from mature adults responsible for schildren and teens? Pharmaceutical interests of course. Toddlers Now In Range Of ADHD Diagnosis - (Sharon Kirkey) Ottawa Citizen - 17-10-11 (Same article in 2 different (though associated) papers. I guess someone sees it as an important issue. Too bad the world's collective voices, now being heard on the Wall Streets of the world NEVER take issue with the normalization of drugging our nations' children. Not important enough, I guess.

Too Many Just Give Up

Teen Suicide - Mental Illness? Yes, But Also Homophobia - Melissa Carole (PhD student at McMaster University) Globe and Mail - October 7, 2011

In response to the wisdom-filled commentary of Ms Carole I corroborate the claim that “blaming” teens “ exonerates each of us from our social responsibilities. . . (and) overlooks the evidence that there are other risk factors that go beyond mental illness.

James Hillman the prominent psychologist entitled his 1993 book : We’ve Had A Hundred Years Of Psychotherapy - And The World’s Getting Worse. His premise was then, and remains to this day, based on too much of a focus being placed on the within and not enough on the environment which affects us and which spawns aberrant thinking, feelings and actions.

There is no life in a vacuum - no winning, no losing, no calm, no turmoil. Suicide, or the attempt, is impossible without taking into account the environment that feeds such inclinations and actions. Suicide attempters do not consider it so much a reflection of their inner turmoil as they see it as the only way they can cope with a world within which they have no place. Suicide is less a mental disturbance of an individual than it is a reflection of a disturbed society which sociopathically shows no sign of consideration for those who populate it.

But are we not more informed and caring regarding this subject today? No. A heavy dose of lowest common denominator stimulation does not constitute a more informed mind, substantive thought or a more caring viewpoint. It simply makes what we know “user friendly”. Our most recent obsessive attachment to the discussion of suicide is also rather eerie. It  appears tainted with a celebratory tone. . . We seem to laud those who suffer from its effects rather than wonder why suicide is a sad reality in need of objective analysis. We introduce the subject in the media more in line with entertainment (i.e.: emotional post-news hour presentations) rather than vital information. We seem to treat individuals touched by the horrid hand they are dealt as proud victims and their fate a manifesto. Never do we contemplate that it is an attack by an outside force on the very soul of an individual. The attempt, the act, is always the titillating topic, never the research delving into its causes or solutions.

In the visual arts, portrait painters often encounter problems with drawing a nose, a mouth a hand. . . An amateur focuses on the incorrectness of the nose, mouth or hand. The professional hones in on the surrounding areas in order to discover the “real” problem. If we are to understand reactive suicide we must consider what that soul is reacting to. We must stop honing in on the subject and realign our thinking to the environment which spawns such aberrant feelings, thoughts and actions. We have to stop being enamoured with the heroism with which we imbue victimhood. We must stop celebrating and sentimentalizing pain long enough to focus our attentions on what surrounds those who feel it so intensely. We need to focus on what needs changing in our communities, societies and countries in order that they offer each of us a healthier life, a more promising future.

As it stands, the whole concept of the media and society’s feeling your pain has more to do with reality TV formatting than it does with the reality of suicide and its causes. And that is sad.

SpongeBob’s bad?

Aw, Fish paste! SpongeBob’s bad For Kids
(research) Tralee Pearce - Globe and Mail - 12-09-11

Frenetic TV fare absolutely insane for kids to be watching daily? Absolutely! Would we feed our kids sugar the minute they wake up and continue on through the day until they fall asleep from exhaustion? No. (At least, not if we love them.) And so a research study (another of those deep research studies) states that watching SpongeBob can, may, might, could damage your kid’s ability to focus and calm down. It doesn’t take expensive fad research to discover those findings. All you have to do is be an aware parent or grand-parent to realize when to turn the TV off and send the kids outside to run off their excess intake ofg SpongeBob. No research needed. And just think. . . All those funds expended on such inane projects could be shunted off to better projects such as obesity and disease prevention programs and improving medical and social services. . .

We’re Only As Happy As Our Least Happy Child - Sarah Simpson - Globe and Mail - 12-09-11

WE need our kids to be happy so that WE can be happy. . . As children put it so succinctly : That’s creepy. . . Anything that has to do with care of but focuses more on the care-giver is creepy. 

Helicopter parenting is all about parents - not about kids. Is the very act of parenting problematic? At times. Is it difficult? At times. Is it about being happy? No. It is about being filled with wonder and hope and dreams for now and the future. If we want to be esoteric : It’s about giving a serious portion of one’s self to a dedicated plan of nurturing of guiding growth and the eventual independent functioning of a vibrant and creative human being.

In down to earth language, parenting is about being there when you’re needed and sticking your nose out of it when you’re not. Children have an agenda. They wish to explore, discover, analyse, wonder, experiment and go off on adventures to discover even more. That is their world - not ours. Ours is to provide the environment in which all of that creative energy can happen. . . even if it scares the living daylights out of us.

Over the past century specialists have taught us all to either slap the badness out of our kids or to hover over them - protect them from every possible and imaginary harm that we and the media can conjure. Modern parents have been "programmed" to be afraid, to feel weak and in need of (1) every parenting and safety product possible and (2) every pocket-book psychology concept possible (at least for the next 6 months. . .) Another new and improved version is in a stage of "soon to be announced".

The 21^st century is bound to be referred to as the "silly era".

Road To Redemption

Road To Redemption - A new homegrown series helps Canadians battle their demons on Intervention Canada. (Fridays on Slice TV) 
 
It is obvious to anybody who has read my book that I have difficulty (!) with the concept of “reality TV”. The very idea that it is considered “real” or honest, by even a small portion of the population, is disturbing if not disturbed. More and more, truth is what we manipulate or make of it - rather than what it is. . . And so. . .

Long live truth and ethics in advertising, promotion. . . and entertainment. What once would have been considered sick, as television fare, has gone mainstream. Slice TV brings us Road To Redemption. . . a new homegrown series (homegrown as in : more valid than foreign?). . . which helps Canadians battle their demons (?)  (Hmmm.) So, television is now a "helping professional's medioum?. We should all display before cameras (homegrown Canadian cameras of course!) what ails us. We should “share” with the world our pains and deficiencies and addictions and sorrows? Truth is, public confessions and self-flagellation are healthy - or so we are told. But, if we can't submit ourselves to lowest common denominator antics of self-loathing - we can at least be good consumers and ogle (enjoy) and point the finger at the dumb people on TV who do.

With such side-show freakism considered legitimate "helpful" entertainment no society needs a Big Brother to reduce us all to a submissive level. We can do that all by ourselves. . . By belittling those who suffer or those who play at suffering to attract attention. . . by redefining entertainment as finding pleasure in self-righteous superiority, we have become. . . we are Big Brother.

Oh woe! Oh Woe! The Silly Season Is Upon Us

The silly season has begun. It’s September. Kids are going back to school. And so, articles appear in the papers - such as: “How to prepare your child for the difficult first days”. “How mothers and fathers can say good-bye to their children without upsetting them. . " "How to survive the first days after your child has started school". It seems we are all blithering idiots in this era of co-dependency. Oddly, no articles on getting your children back into a school year sleep routine. proper diets for good learning. . . exercise programs to motivate the brain. . . That would be too obvious. . . But then. . ..  EUREKA: an article on just that : Tutors are less effective on our children's academic performance than is regular physical exercise. . . . . I could just cry........ (Sniff). Finally common sense is being allowed as valid infrmation.
TV is no less a promoter of the horrors and tribulations of school attendance. And it starts from a child's very first encounter with this fiendish system. This morning, a “specialist” advised us on (Canadian) CTV “How our children can ace kindergarten. . .”  Heck, I never even attended  kindergarten. (Possibly that explains all my problems. . . No specialists, no computer games and ugh. . . no kindergarten).

But then, the world isn’t all dumb and dumber. The famous documentary photographer George S. Zimbel’s collection of photographs of children (presently at the Bulger Gallery in Toronto) is mesmerizing. Such an exhibition is nothing less than a treasury of how encouraging times once were and are no longer. The exhibition is cited as : “images from the middle of the last century showing what childhood used to be before bubble-wrap parenting”. The Globe and Mail article on the show ends with the comment : “. . . the freewheeling children depicted are an endangered species.”

The war on children - Globe and Mail - Elisabeth Young-Bruehl 27 August, 2011

A new book entitled : Childhood Under Siege by Joel Bakan speaks on the topic of Big Business targeting children. (So what's new?) Reviewed by Elisabeth Young-Bruehl, a psychoanalyst, Bakan’s book is given short shrift as well as considered somewhat hystrionic in its accusations of big business. It is, as other essays on the topic (Beyond Discouragement-Creativity included) pooh-poohed - called “simplistic”. Though Young-Bruehl may be right about the intensity of the book, the comments made should not be so easily dismissed as overkill. Why? Because no one seem s interested in taking a closer look at our promotion and advertising systems which are so powerful when directed at children. And because they are not big busines smiles all the way to the bank, while our kids. . . . .

Enfants surprotégés - La presse - Marie Larocque

While we sem to ignore the real dangers our children face in these "modern" times, we are a seriously over-protective lot when it comes to our chjildren. It seems. . . .  we like our children dumb and dependent. And this to the point of them not knowing what danger is - as in : children are no longer able to analyse what is or is not dangerous because they are prevented from learning about danger, from assessing it and from confronting and dealing with danger. Being danger-smart doesn’t seem to fit a contemporary parent’s view of childhood and growing up.

Last but definitely not least, it is reported in the Canadian Medical Association Journal that hundreds of times a day, doctors prescribe drugs to children with little safety or dosing data....... Because, it seems, companies are NOT disclosing the information to Health Canada. My question has more to do with WHY these drugs are allowed AND prescribed if there is no disclosure. But then. . .  I am such a silly bear of little brain.............................