Name Calling. . . ENOUGH!!!!

Our times are amazing. . .  I finally gave up on posting anything new on mothering and mother's day 24 hours before the international event. . . . Rather than being uplifting, the media references were just too depressing.

And so what's new since Mother's Day?

Well. . .  An article which is truly an eye-opener. . . But first, a bit of background to set the tone :

We award our children for being present rather than for actually achieving. We reprimand teachers for being too tough on our poor little dears. We teach our children to find themselves “beautiful” - just because they exist. But we don’t ask them to participate or share or be generous or kind or give out effort or challenge them or ask anything of them. . . They’re children after all. . .  A much too large minority in North America find  beauty contests for 2 and 3 and 4 year old made-up dolls and kiddy thongs ( for 6 to 8 year olds) acceptable. All of this considered “cute”.

We not only allow our children to be entitled we encourage them to get credit for not having achieved anything. They can’t read or count well enough (without technical assistance) to hold down a job. We either hover over them like paranoid grannies or give them so much freedom from responsibility they crash and burn at their first encounter with reality.  We sneer at losers on tv and fail to comprehend the connection of that type of entertainment with the immensity of bullying - both in schools and on the internet. Our children eat badly and too much and they now face heart problems and diabetes and other related illnesses in their teens because of increasing obesity - but that doesn’t seem to bother us. We fear the horrors of the internet but allow our kids to have computers in their “private” room.

And so what is the incredible first full page news of the day?. . . Humans Urged To Stop The Name-Calling (Adrian Humphries) National Post 10-05-11

Now that sounds reasonable enough. .   Even progressive. . .  Name calling is an aspect of bullying isn’t it? But wait. . .

This first full page article in a National newspaper. . . is about stopping each other from “verbally abusing animals. . . not each other, not our children - animals. We must stop using phrases such as “drunk as a skunk”. . .  Because that is insulting to animals (Even animal is perceived as a derogatory word by the Journal of animal ethics. . .  Rather we should use the term : non-human animals. . . To read this article is to enter into a vortex of mindless perspectives. And yet this "journal" is called an "academic" journal. . .  Un-Hunh. . .

We should pay so much attention to the hearts and minds of our children. . . (Sigh).

Mothers Day

To vilify or celebrate - It's Mothers Day again.

It's interesting to read articles that various newspapers find appropriate to print regarding the value, intensity of, acceptance or rejection of today's mothering techniques. The Globe and Mail presents a full page and a half article about the differences between "then and now".   It is so bewildering to read common sense versus paranoia information. . . In Erin Anderssen's article a grandmother underscores the point of calm and efficient child-rearing practices based on tradition, values and not much worry about whether their children would survive their rearing or cooking abilities. That same grandmother today is helping raise her grandchild where notes on the fridge door WARN about the amount of fish and eggs eaten. Kraft dinner GOD FORBID!!!! Mothers look back on their own mothers and see that these women were calm and efficient and rarely raised their voices whereas mothers today raise their voices CONSTANTLY!!! Have I made my point? Parenting is now (it seems) filled with tension, worry and even fear. Calming down and being less paranoid doesn't seem to fit today's "normal". Following this particular article is another about "Kids Can Exercise Their Way To Better Marks" (Paul Taylor) Hello!!!! Is that science or simply basic common sense again. . .  Actually it's more a question of advertising and promotion. If kids were promoted the idea that what is "good for them" (and what everybody else does) is running around and having a helluva good time - then they would. (But then somebody would have to be making a profit for advertisers to care this much about the health of our nations.) And since healthy exuberant kids don't cut it in our commercially run societies, they stay on their butts playing video games rather than getting smarter and healthier and happier - because the healthy "bottom line" of our democracies requires us to be dependent, submissive and overweight. (Hey, we'll deal with our kids' heart problems and diabetes when it hits them - at around 11 or 13, or 14. . .)
Naturally, the Globe and Mail wanted me depressed today so  they added another article on how screwed up parenting is perceived to be these days. The article by Anne-Marie Tobin is enough to turn mothers off completely. . .  "A Bedtime Bottle At 2 Can Mean Obesity At 5" That's interesting. . .  All of the ills of the parenting world  are now relegated to the bottle (so what's new?) Ha! Actually, if that 2 year old is active and having a great old time being "physical" that obesity threat would be long gone by the time the rambunctious, exuberant, wondrously curious child of 5 hits his or her stride. Oh well, add another fear factor onto the parenting list. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY Moms! . . .  They're telling you your a rotten parent again! And all that just before Mothers Day. Wow!

I was therefore thankful when I began reading the 5 page article on mothering in La Presse, the Montreal French paper. (Sylvia Galipeau). I can't say that I agree with all of the mothering styles presented but I am MOST impressed with the idea that it was not a negative or positive article but simply a GOOD article extolling the virtues of independence of thought - of individuality and creativity in the area of contemporary parenting. Bravo for positivity! Bravo for encouragement being touted as a virtue rather than a non-existent part of life.

Naturally, my hope for a warm and fuzzy Mothers Day weekend was not to be. . .  Following this great stuff in La Presse, there was an article (Marie Allard) on where oh where does obesity come from?. . . (Les causes méconnues du gain de poids) Yeah. . .  Moms really need to read that right after a great article encouraging them to be the best THEY feel they can be. It's like saying to a group of individuals : "I love you. . .  BUT!"

The articles I refer to (above) are the following:  (as well as others to read on similar topics)

•  Globe and Mail : 1970s The Golden Age Of Motherhood (Erin Anderssen) May 6, 2011

•  Big Boys Do Cry - They Just Do It Differently Katherine Rossman) 
• How To Get Your Teen To Do What You Want (Anthony Wolf) That's a no-brainer - Get him to do it at 2 and he'll do it at 15 without complaining.
• The Secret To Being A Happier Parent? Don't Try So Hard - (Tralee Pearce)
• La Presse : Mères et fières de l'être ( Sylvia Galipeau)
• Les causes méconnues du gain de poids (Marie Allard) 
• Est-ce normal? (Rose-Marie Charest) The eternal question of "normalcy" Please people. . .  Normal is nothing more than "what there is the most of". Other than that this measure does  nothing but legitimize conformity and submission to rules rather than values.

All of this notwithstanding : To Mothers everywhere: Have a wonderful calm and relaxing and non-paranoid Mother's Day.

PS: (Don't worry. The kids will be fine. . .  That duct tape on their mouths is soft and the silk ropes tying their arms behind their backs won't hurt them a bit. . .  They'll be OK for 24 hours or until Mother's Day is over. . . Til then: "Cheers!")

Grief Is A Certifiable Mental Disorder

Sometimes Life Is Just Really Sad - (Barbara Kay) National Post - 27-04-11

This powerful article refers to the excessive use of pharmaceuticals and the upcoming DSM-5 - (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) - the bible of psychiatrists - which in 2013 will be determining "grief" as a certifiable MENTAL DISORDER. . . i.e.: it will be a treatable (read: medicatable) illness in the future. (I guess we're all safe from being committed until it is published. . . . . .)

So, as Barbara Kay states: If after 2 weeks you are still grieving. . .  the DSM-5 will consider you to be suffering from a mental disorder. Kay's article highlights the pharmaceutical and treatment professions' dehumanization and infantilization and victimization of humanity. Reading it is a MUST.

(Vindicated again!!!!!)  Beyond Discouragement - Creativity brought all of this up when it was published.

Slow on the uptake

Sorry about not being around. Still creating atwork for Bermuda exhibition.Nonetheless, the world keeps on rolling. So here's a quick update on recent media commentary which relates to Beyond Discouragement - Creativity's content:

Drugs good and bad :

Common Pain Killers Make Antidepressants Less Effective - (André Picard) Globe and Mail - April 26, 2011
It seems that combinations of drugs have always been part and parcel of contemporary treatment and now we "discover" that over and above the incredible list of side-effects most of these drugs have on our systems - they work against each other - which means they work against our bodies and minds. But then again - as I have been stating, the research always says : there can be, may be, might be could be side-effects and interactions but nothing is ever concrete. Is this part of a "keep them fearful (ignorant)" campaign? Wouldn't it be nice to have scientists offer us solid information - without the maybes and "not sures"? 


COPS - Spending On Police Has Jumped 41 Per Cent Across Canada In A Decade - What Price For Law and Order? (Adrian Morrow) Globe and Mail - January 8, 2011
 (Adrian Morrow) Globe and Mail - 
So what's next? Altering the definitions of crime to justify the increases and fear mongering?

Study Links Obesity, Economic Insecurity - (Kate Kelland) -  Globe and Mail - January 8, 2011
So what's new. Both obesity and insecurity are discussed in Beyond Discouragement - Creativity. Once again the content is simply being validated. 

Dr. Brinkley's Stem Cell Lotion And Magic Elixir -  Carolyn Abraham) Globe and Mail - January 8, 2011
It seems that scientific research is repeatedly jumping onto a common contemporary bandwagon which has been discussed in Beyond Discouragement - Creativity : the lowest common denominator factor : as stated above: research findings which have no firm ground upon which to stand -  dictate treatment modalities - despite no concrete evidence to back their "possibility" claims.

Self-Esteem Is Falling Out Of Favour. Is The Replacement Just As Bad? National Post - April 2, 2011
Definitely one of my bug-bears. . .  Though this article shows a fearsome side to altering our perceptions re the self-esteem issue, it nonetheless points out that this UBER-ME generation is out of whack and basic common sense when it comes to looking at yourself.  When little girls look at their mirrored image and ecstatically proclaim themselves beautiful for no other reason than that they exist, we
need to re-read (as I did ) the chapter on self-esteem in Beyond Discouragement - Creativity. Narcissism is more like what we have today - not a simple "me" infatuation.

High Opioid Dose Risks Death - (Carly Weeks) - Globe and Mail - April 12, 2011
Prescriptions - i.e.: what the doctor orders. . .  are killing not healing us. Misuse of medication., over-prescriptions. . .  Only one little element in the mile high pile of contradictions and incredible blunders by our medical professions now become "medicators" rather than physicians.We're reaching a time when we will not be dying of illness but rather dying from treatment.

Tough Love Yourself - (Sarah Boesveld) National Post - April 2, 2011 Once again a topic from Beyond Discouragement - Creativity. . .   This article treats the topic of praise versus encouragement - rightly highlights the dangers of such practices which motivate narcissistic tendencies which persist throughout a child and adolescent and adult life. The 70s were the beginning of many new things - this praise epidemic was one of the plagues which now have serious consequences. 

Who's Your Role Model? Probably Your Mother - (Misty Harris) Ottawa Citizen - 15-04-11
Isn't it amazing how "scientific bodies" seem to need to study the obvious - and then expect us to respect the "superlative knowledge"  upon which their erudite thinking is based?  Good or bad, pro or con. . .  The facts have been borne out for millenia. . .  Mother's have enormous influence over their children! It doesn't take a doctoral thesis to prove that . Maybe what needs studying is whether parents are doing a good job of parenting and why.. . Are we actually parenting or are we simply : "providers" as discussed in Beyond Discouragement - Creativity?

Growing up bullied

Why such a topic? What does it mean to grow up bullied?

Bullying is as prevalent in both elementary and high school as it is too often pooh-poohed by school authorities. No one seems to take it seriously - parents are somewhat annoyed but the academic world is not. And that is not only sad for the children involved, it is dangerous for the societies which deny or belittle its existence.

The fact of the matter is, bullying is becoming universally endured if not accepted as a “norm”.  And the stretch from child to adult environment bullying is not that great. But only children seem to know of it. They are like canaries in a fowl mine. They know something uncomfortable is lurking but they don’t have the power to stop it. We adults seem less aware, if not neglectful. Possibly, it’s because we don’t think as much as we feel these days.

In essence, the only components which have been missing for bullying to be fully integrated into society are 3 in number. . .  The environment has to be ripe for the plucking, there has to be a profit margin. . . and most especially, everything has to be “personal”. Until then, bullying awaits on the sidelines.

First : the environment

Bullying is snake-like. Fearful and threatened by the strengths of others, a bully’s motivation is fashioned by its own weak ego. It usually slithers along unnoticed - rearing its ugliness only when there is no way of defeating it. It cannot endure individual or collective strength. Bullying thrives on individual and collective weakness and submission - when, finally, everyone is mesmerized by it. Until then it lies in wait hibernating, gaining strength. It can only exist in a flabby environment - one in which life is taken for granted and cultural values and integrity are ignored.

But the fact of the matter is : we like bullying. . .  Without realizing it, it is part and parcel of the aggressive and often times manipulative attitudes which dominate our work and family lives - as well as sport and entertainment choices. Children are not the only bullied individuals in our society. They may spend more time killing off undesirables in their computer games, but we watch TV reality shows which promote “nothing” as a viable lifestyle and losers as “victims” - and because they are  - we call them heroic. . . So what’s more virtually inane? Us watching individuals making fools of themselves for 15 minutes of fame? Or, us watching freak-show styled programming or cheering-on hockey goons smashing opponent brains into stanchions - without conscience or consequence?

All the while. . . our children wonder why nothing is being done about school yard and internet bullying?

Second : The profit margin

TV reality shows - due to their larger and larger audiences are proving themselves to be cheaper to produce and more lucrative than standard fare. And so. . .  On with the sanctioned bullying process! Add to this a bonus - an addiction to a bullying mentality can be practised in the privacy of our own homes. . . where we can all pretend that we don't really watch. . . such horrible stuff.

In essence, bullying is only possible in such environments where reaction is more prevalent than action. Bullying thrives on a flabby environment - one which, unbeknownst to itself, is gradually rendered weak and submissive by the lowest common denominator mental food it imbibes.   Only in this way can a smaller group of individuals play havoc with the whole - in order to impose, control and . . . well, bully. 

And what of the canary children? Well, they see us mesmerized and enthralled by the displayed faults and failure and laughable weakness and disturbances of others on TV. . . And they can only fear the day that attention will be turned to “their” situations. . .  Their parents and others could be laughing  and sneering at them one day too. . . Who knows? . . . Who knows when?

Third : The personal factor

A bullying environment opens the door wide to everything becoming “personal”. Everything personal gives authority to those who have the power to control how we feel and if and when we can think for ourselves. Children may not “know” this but they feel it. . .

Bullies bully as long as they are mesmerized by our submission and we, by their gall. And they can bully even more powerfully when that submission is generalized rather than individual. And this is where corporate, governmental, societal and parental authorities must weigh in. Bullying is becoming universal and our children are warning us of an impending disaster - if we don’t start to “act our age”.

24 hour a day news offerings where we’re fed daily doses of  lowest common denominator information renders us feeble-minded, submissive and ripe for bullying, political attack ads and snake-oil science. And how we feel about it all (or so they say) is more important than rebelliously thinking about it all. Because if we start “really” thinking and questioning again - we will, once again, become strong. And bullies can’t have that happen. . .

Nonetheless, the first step is to take back the 3 elements which make up our birthright as individuals : thinking, questioning and creating. . .  And then let’s practice the one thing our children are desperate for : encouragement. 

"F U"

It’s All About U - (Ken Coates & Bill Morrison) - National Post - 11-04-11

In another book : Campus Confidential,  2 authors give us a painful truth about student life and university campuses - a truth which I discussed in Beyond Discouragement - Creativity, including a quote by an Ottawa  college professor. Things are not well in academe.

It seems we have raised a few generations of entitled and spoiled young people. Like China, through its one child policy, we have raised  generations of little emperors. (We just made our lives more miserable by not limiting how many 2 to 18 year olds would be telling us what to do. . .  Ha!)

But it is in elementary, high school, college and universities where we see the most tangible results of our abdication of societal and parental responsibility. Universities are filled with a ragtag bunch where, today, a predominant group exists. If not the most numerous it is the most vocal collection of domineering characters.

The most generic term used for them is "The entitled".

Pros:    They are “more assertive than in the past. They are very confident, able and willing to express their opinions and they are not intimidated by adults and professors.They are, in essence, very sure of themselves.

Cons: They are inconsistent in their class attendance, but expect good marks. They lack respect for professors and have poor classroom behaviour. They are litigious, and reluctant to complete assignments. They have high expectations, despite their low performance. They are unreasonable in their demands and expectations of others. They have more money than they can handle. Society allows them to do and say what they want, They come from child-centered schools and homes which had no control over any of their behaviours. But mostly, they have a deep sense of entitlement. They expect to be well off and if they are not it is the fault of someone or something else.  They expect school to be easy and exams to give them passing grades whether they have earned them or not. Mean spirited retorts and litigious action is not far off if they don’t get what they want or their parents are unable to coerce the system to bow to their demands. They expect deadlines to be changed, their explanations for lax performance taken in without question and demand that courses fit their requirements.

The result (since universities are now businesses) is that the academic milieu bends to their demands - even if the ultimate outcomes are devastating to the universities, the future work force and the country as a whole.

So, once again. . .  The times they are a wasting.

Cognitive drugs. . . Who would have thunk?

Academic Doping - Tom Blackwell) National Post. 09-04-11

Wow. . .  How stupid of me to think that the only way to get an edge on other students and achieve higher marks was through studying harder! How naïve. . .  How dumb of me!http://www.nationalpost.com/news/Academic+doping+rise/4586231/story.html